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Brian is speaking!!!! lol Many of you are wonderng who this Brian guy is...except Erica. Oh no, Erica is laughing at those scratching their heads. Brian is what you get when you type in brain really fast. So Brian is the guy in my head speaking to me and this is where he let's everything out! lol Brian is also purple! Don't worry Adrienne it's always been that way...I agree with Mahitha's claim on brians brains being purple!
I'm BACK
Okay, So I've like practically disappeared for about a ***YEAR or two lol. Sorry about that... but you've probably not noticed. Hah, I just noticed my calendar is exactly a year behind...wooo! That means I won't have to change the November picture! lemon : / ??? iLet's see I just got a call from FIT, coolios!!! Confirmed attendance for the 21st and now I'm looking up prices to go to Russia. I might miss a week...or we might not get the desired income tax money back and so we might NOT go at all. That would be a soul killer to me. The idea of escaping to Russia from my school reality is enticing, but I'll try to keep my world "real" for now.
Oh snap....I'm readin the stuff I wrote last year and it's all coming back with a loud bang in my head. *sigh* At least now I have a name for it. Actually I'm not quite sure if I fear it more because I know about or if I fear it less because it has a name...just watch, this year I'll have some more symptoms of yet another medical condition and this time next year I'lll be reading this thing again banging my head on my desk thinking "this could have been stopped!!!"...well, hopefully not
ABOUT
Entry THREE: Sunday, June 29, 2008 1:13AM
I feel so ashamed! I procrastinated so badly in my online Computer Programming class that I am now staying up all night to catch up to the July 2nd deadline!!!!!!! Not to finish the class, but I do have to get midway to Module 3! Well, at least I'm almost finished with Module 2. *sigh* Well, if you are wondering why I haven't been on (for those of you who are actually on my website lol) I've pretty much been too lazy to do anything. Yep, that's my lousy excuse. This is my first time on this week (don't pay attention to the Online now status hehe). Everyday after battling 1st and 2nd graders with Fiddlehead (Geo) and Willow (Nicole) I (Ghost Orchid) have gone home, eaten dinner, taken a shower, declined playing with my jealous bro and fallen dead on my bed. Playing and taking care of little kids couldn't have been any more fun and tiring. But now that it's over (for this week anyways) I miss all of them sooooo much! Oona, Kane and Brooke and Milena and Mallory and even Olivia and Spencer (and their boys vs. girls arguments). I feel so empty inside! Like I've lost them all!!!! *tear*
***PS: Notice I didn't mention the spazz nights. It seems that after playing with the kids my stress went away and I could finally sleep. Or I was drained of all my energy and fell asleep too fast to think really fast (the first stage of my spazz nights). Either way, wooohooo!!!!! ...now back to catching up to Module 3...
Entry TWO: Wednesday, June 18, 2008 4:29 AM
Today everything is better. Not the sleep. I haven't taken any pills or anything. The air I breathe is just calmer and more...I don't know it just feels as if everything today is going to be happier. There's not much to say now, just that I'm okay. I'm going to see the doctor on Firday. It feels like past then everything will be better. Like a guy with a Ph.D will solve my problems, but who knows. Perhaps it's just another sign...
Entry ONE: Tuesday, June 17, 2008 12:27 AM
I have officially lost it. Brian can't help me now. I have probably already told this to everybody. And everybody probably rolled their eyes or laughed or just thought "Wow, Jelly like we don't already know this..." but truthfully I mean it when I say official. I have nightmares from reading an article or two (or more... *groan*) about MIT (the Harvard of engineering) and I am twitching ever night I do actually try to sleep. I TWITCH!!! You know like when you have a nightmare about creepy stuff from the previous horror movie you watched minutes ago... well, I don't know. I don't have nightmares from horror films. Nope, unlike normal people I actually have fantasies of ruling the world with Jigsaw (Yes, hybrid I will destroy you...it is I who shall rule!!!).
Messages to My Amigas (1 yr ago)
Nicole: Fun time in the camp! I can't believe it's over! lol See you next week...*laughs* You got served! PIE!
Mahitha: So how's india!?!? Having fun over there? Have you started any of your classes?
Josey: Hey!!!! I got your post card! So you're in London already!!! Woot!!! (wait wasn't it another city???) Free museums!! Cool, I've never been to one but maybe that's only because they are expensive...hmm so what have you seen so far that you couldn't fit on the post card? :D
Brittany: Haven't seen you since Nicole's partay! Aww, darn it'll be so long till the next math competition or maybe even swimming competition.
Erica: Haven't seen you since that one mall day!! So how are you and madame? Teehee sorry about not being on AIM for a while, heh Brian has a lame excuse I know. *looks down in shame* (I would have made the letters black but heh, then you wouldn't see them)
Fabienne: Hey!!!! Lost person or soul where art thou? lol Hard to catch you on AIM but I still have Quest! Kinda wierd t ask but...what IS your favorite color???
Becca: Woot!!! I can still talk to you!!!! Your move scares me but there is still your and my site and that way we shall always stay in touch! Yippeee! ...ewww pink...
Adrienne: Funny person how are you doing this summer? Betcha can't wait till school starts so your site will start to fill up with new funnies and comments!? GO PURPLE
Madison : How is my whale doing? Not spewing anyone else I hope! ^_^
Melissa! Momo and how have you been spending these hot summer days? Or if you remember our old language Hatw pu?
But seriously now, I need help! This is an S.O.S. if there ever was one. I really do need a psychiatrist or something. I have no idea why my nerves jump at the idea of school but they do (don't laugh because this nerd has had it with school). My mom blames it on built up stress. But it's summer!!!!! SUMMER!!!! I have no stress...though that's not all completely true, I have had worse stress. The real thing that got me ticking about finally worrying about mental health is...
Hmm...well, I read all of this stuff about MIT online. I was thinking about it hard and it got me excited; all of the amazing things about it! Now I mean really excited...I was daydreaming about the dormitory and about everything...creepy I know. But well, when I realized it was about 3 hours past bedtime I decided enough daydreaming, time for night dreaming. The first minutes in bed and all I could think about was MIT! A few minutes later and I felt like I had awaken from a blackout. For those of you who have ever fainted you know the feeling: the extreme "after-flu" weakness, the extreme sensitivity that brings tears to your eyes whether you feel like crying or not, the blood that you can literally feel racing through your veins, and worst of all is the disorientation that send you into a state of panic. Well, when I "awoke" from my racing thoughts about living in MIT I couldn't stop thinking...it was like my head was split in two. One was freaking out about MIT and talking too fast and the other was freaking out about freaking out. It was like I was watching myself go crazy, for REAL!!!!
AHHH!!! At this point I felt my heartbeat and sure enough it was pounding away at my chest. That was when I started paying closer attention to everything and that was when all went WRONG! When I tried to move my seemingly alive body the twitching worsened and the muscles in my body tensed. It was out of control. My leg would kick every minute or so and random muscles would just move all over my body. I began to sob very lightly...the type of sob that would come from a child hiding from a monster (scared but not wanting to make things worse). WRONG!!!! It did make everything worse. You know how your eye twitches when you get a headache or for no reason at all. Well, after my sobbing my right eye began to twitch.
Now you are probably thinking "Wow, Jelly is so dramatic...". This wasn't what went WRONG! And for me this is how I felt. A rush of energy but bad uncontrollable energy all over my body. What went wrong? My head began to go back...it was like the muscles behind my neck were pulling and what was terrible was I COULDN'T STOP IT!!!! When my head finally touched my back...I don't know...For what seemed like hours I was like this. But afterwards I was either too tired to continue this spasm episode or I ...
I really don't remember anything after that. But I remembered in the morning. And now it's all I think about. I hate going to sleep because when I lay down that is al I think about. And when I think about it...the feeling comes back. I fear I can no longer dream at night. I fear going to sleep and waking up in a mental institution completely unaware of my tantrum of murders the previous night. Well, okay it may not go that far (I HOPE) but I am for once in my life scared of laying in my bed. I hope everyone sleeps well tonight...it's nice to get this out. My mom says that if you don't tell somebody about your worries they will build up inside of you and when you least expect it you E X P L O D E ! Maybe that's what happened to me... maybe...
You are visitor 
Thank you for listening to Brian! He really appreciates your donation of time to help Brian with unloading thoughts and other waste onto your shoulders. -_- Let Brian and all rest in peace tonight and every night.